Scratched but better than ever

9:38 PM / Posted by Marcus /

As I opened this blog I saw this post as well and reread it. The calm and steady state took a 180-degree turn and things are out of sort again. But this time I won't bitch and moan and I'm not going to be bitter about things (I might take this back a day or 2 from now) but let me sound and BE mature for once.

When things don't work out in a " relationship", any ordinary person would tend to look in himself/herself and ask "what did I do wrong this time that it didn't work again?". It's just so easy to blame ourselves because you still see the other person in those rose-colored glasses. But after pondering and allowing yourself to over-analyze, you would come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with you. It's just not meant to be. Let me say that again...IT'S JUST NOT MEANT TO BE.

I have a bad habit of blaming myself and thinking that I'm probably not worth it in that person's eyes. But somehow in this case, I can't put myself down anymore. Although I wished for things to have been the way they were 6 months ago when everything was new and starting. When I felt so wanted in every sense of the word. Hehe! At the back of my mind I cannot deny the thoughts that's been bugging me that something's not right. Things are not the same anymore. I would have wanted to try and work things out but what's the point when you know it's a lost cause right? Life has it's way of telling you when to stop and when to still continue on. And although I'm still battling my inner demons, 80% of me has decided that it's time to put an end to things. For the very first time I'll be making a decision that would be for my best interest. For the very first time I am giving importance to myself and fighting for my self-worth and self-respect. I feel so calm about things. And I am confident that things are going to be ok. That this chapter has imparted it's lesson and it's time to get ready for the next adventure.

A very good friend of mine said "you are for keeps" and I believe that.

If I were to look back on this chapter in my life, for the most part, I won't change anything. Maybe I should have been less impulsive with my actions, but nevertheless, everything that happened was something I've decided and wanted at that time.

I may be bruised for now, but I know I am stronger and more able to face life's challenges.



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